Dear Rachel...

OK...for starters...you don't know me....yet. I'm your uncle Rob. I just found out today that your loving parents (my bro and sis-in-law) got your referral package from China, and that their dreams will soon become reality. Your grandparents can't wait to spoil you and change your diaper. I'm looking forward to teaching you a few bad habits, the history of the punk rock era and how to juggle. So...this post is to help you get started...here goes...

1. Eat your vegetables. Trust me...your Dad will thank you later.
2. When Grandpa says "pull my finger"...don''t...consider this your final warning.
3. No matter how tempting it is to stick a metal airplane into an electric socket...the ends doesn't justify the means.
4. Help your Uncle Rob play the eternal Game of "You're It" with your father. I'll give you five dollars. Promise.
5. If you go up a slide the wrong way, you might break your arm.
6. Never ask to see the pictures of your Dad dressed up like Mae West. I'm begging you.
7. Please don't listen to Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake and Kenny G. Learn to love Coltrane, The Shins and Stevie Ray Vaughan. I'll explain later.
8. Gators or Scarlet Knights. You have no other options. If Mommy says something about the clown school in Tally, cry really, really loud. It'll work.
9. If you break something in the house, blame it on the dog. That's what she's there for.
10. Don't grow up too fast...I need you to take the heat off me for a few years...