Tangential Emotions

In the past 24 hours, I rode a cosine wave of emotion. A smoky, dry and eventful day had its crests of laughter, camaraderie and smiles, while dropping into sinkholes of disappointment, anger and sadness. I chose this winding path to traverse relationships, events and decisions to lead a happy, successful and passionate life. I relentlessly observe the moment and try not to look too far ahead, but sometimes get caught in my emotions…those lovely, crazy, awkward, intense and cumbersome emotions. The strange thing is…I stayed quite calm today. I swallowed my immediate reactions and looked toward the positive aspects of the situations. I bit my lip, listened and reacted in a manner that showed that I will not let these issues get to me. “It’s water under the bridge”. “Such is life”. “These things happen”. “It was not meant to be”. The previous phrases swirl in my brain pan, reminding me that I will continue to forge on…find my way…stay in motion. Should I question my stillness? Not sure. Do I challenge my serene manner? Who knows? My concern is that I’m hardening my heart in a slow, deceptive manner that does not allow my emotional fortress to be dented. I refuse to let myself become too attached to anything, like a person putting a contract on a house and not knowing if they are the highest bidder. I feel that I can truly wear my heart out on my sleeve, but too scared too let anyone into my soul. My journey is building a cautious wall around my emotions, allowing me to think more clearly while sacrificing “letting go”.

I know I’m rambling after a weird day, but I want to read this later to see if it sticks.